I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
