i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
