Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
