You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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