talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
