i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
