covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
