she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
