I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
