He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
