If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
