shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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