I'm pants shitting drunk right now
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
