I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
