wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
