When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
this will be a night to untag.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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