My first STD was from a foam party
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
