We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
