atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
