She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
