And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
