I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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