Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
