just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
