im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
