He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
