im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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