He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
