I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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