I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
