I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
