i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
