I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
