My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
