More tranny stories later!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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