I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
