please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I love you.
Bad choice
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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