Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My cat gives me a boner
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
