I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
