Just took my morning after pill in the library
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
