Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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