You work out of a Hotel?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
