i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
They took my balls.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
