His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
