I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
