Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
