Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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