What did we do last night that was yellow?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Four minutes until I can fart!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
be right there i have to get my cape
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
