your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
