Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
