Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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