You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
