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Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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