yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Pappa wants mamma naked
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Randomize
