Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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